It's All in His Head

This contains a mild spoiler of the movie The Silent Voice: Koe no Katachi

After seeing the movie "The Silent Voice" I have been thinking about many things in the movie which somehow related to my life.

Nishimiya is deaf and was bullied by her classmate in primary school which leaded by Ishida. After she has been bullied for many months, Ishida was blamed for all the action which made Nishimiya changed school then he became a target of hate speeches because of his actions toward her.

After that, Ishida has changed to have a socially isolated personality. He cannot look someone in the eyes, cannot listen to his classmate talking without assuming that they are talking about him.

It's all in his head.

I think I have wrote for many times about me being a bad exchange student when I was in Iceland. When I was in school I felt like... a joke. I couldn't make many friends there because I assumed that they did not like me, a nerd who loves computer talking about news, debating about serious topics, love anime, manga, and books, rather be in a quiet and calm place than being in a club, or loud, and crowd places.

It felt like spotlight was pointed at me not in a good way and similar to Ishida's. Because of my own personality, the different language and more, I had started to be closed and paranoid when people talking around me. "Are they talking about me?" was always hit as my first thought.

It's all in my head.

No. I shouldn't have thought like that even if it was true or not. Sometimes, ignoring my own one-way "truths" doesn't mean that I deny all the truths. Sometimes, leaving all heavy thoughts about who likes or hates me is for better.

Oh, if I could be enlightened this way when I were at that age, I would have been happier and more calm with all those situations. At least, now I learned something from that.